party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
