Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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