can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
