While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
