His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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