I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
