Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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