Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
