you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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