Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wear drunk well.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
