I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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