listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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