She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
