honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
