Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
