So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
