My sheets look like a crime scene.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
