it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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