just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
