this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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