guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
