he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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