Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
