Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
