also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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