i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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