turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
