Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
