Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
