Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
