More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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