im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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