Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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