At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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