Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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