I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
