I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
is that a dick in a sweater?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
