wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Everyone says I win the strip club
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
