My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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