Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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