I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
