I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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