At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
