I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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