im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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