Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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