i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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