Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
