Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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