everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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