he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
