You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Randomize
